Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Chapter 32

"You sure you don't need anything else Kay-Lee?"

"I'm fine Linda.  I'm sorry I spoiled your day off by acting like a baby."

"You weren't acting like a baby and my day off was just fine.  I got to spend it helping a good friend which is what I had wanted to do anyway."

From outside Tommy called, "Linda, we gotta go.  This ice is melting and Mom wants this meat to get all the way to Aunt Pearl's."

Linda gave me a hug goodbye and then had to avoid Harley and Davey's brand of good bye before telling Sawyer bye and climbing into Tommy's truck and leaving.  I closed my eyes and did all those relaxation exercises they had taught me in physical therapy but it only partially worked.  I was so into my breathing exercises that I hadn't heard Sawyer come back in.

I jumped when I felt him picking me up.  "I thought you were asleep," he said.  "I was going to take you upstairs."

"You're going to hurt your back.  I can use my crutch."

"Tomorrow.  Tonight I want to do it."

"You don't need to."

"Maybe I do."

"Sawyer ..."

"Not because I don't think you can get up the stairs by yourself but because I don't want you to have to get up the stairs by yourself."

"Was that supposed to make sense because if it was I missed it?”

"It makes sense, you're just tired.  I wanted Linda to come over and help figure out why you've been upset the last couple of days but it didn't work out that way.  Now I'm going to have to just come out and ask you myself.  Did I do something wrong?"


"Is ... I mean ... is it about Old Man Baffa dying?"

"Oh Sawyer ..."

"It is isn't it.  I guess we were kinda ... uh ..."

"No.  I mean yes in a way, but more because I don't feel worse that Mr. Baffa died.  But there's other things too and ... and I just don't know how to talk about it.  There's just a lot of new stuff going on in my life and I'm not sure ... I mean ..."

"Is it being married to me?"

"What?  Sawyer ... doggone it ..."

"Well, what am I supposed to think.  We were getting along good and then we started getting along great ... better than great.  Didn't you enjoy Sunday?  You said you did, then you changed the next day.  Was it too much?"

I put my head back on my arm on the table.  "The only problem is that I'm still waiting to wake up."

"You're still ... you mean what you said the other day about being worried that I'm going to get bored?"

"Yeah only it is more than that.  I don't ... I mean I really don't Sawyer so don't figure that I do ... expect you to act like other guys.  I don't know if I would know how to act if you did.  But ..."

"Kay-Lee, you're not making any sense at all."

"I know.  God I know.  But that's the way I feel.  What happens ... what happens if ..."

"What happens if what?"

"What happens if ... if I get more ... more attached than you do?  I know there are things that you like - and that's ok, I'm not saying it isn't because it is - but what if it makes you uncomfortable that I like you more than you like me?  What happens when I finally embarrass you enough that ..."


"I know.  That's what I thought," I said dejectedly.

"Kay-Lee I mean no ... as in you don't embarrass me.  I admit it sometimes might bother me - like at the flea market - that people say the things they do but it is not because you embarrass me but because they don't know what they are talking about.  There's nothing wrong with you."

"Sawyer, are you blind?!"

"No.  No I'm starting to see better every day.  And I'll do what I can to help you see better too."

I let him carry me upstairs.  I let him help me get ready for bed.  Then I let him hold me until he went to sleep.  But all I could do is lay there and think.

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