Saturday, October 11, 2014

Chapter 47

"Hey, you snuck off again," Sawyer said with a frown.

Shaking my head I told him, "I didn't sneak off.  You've had a hard and stressful day and I wanted you to relax.  You can't relax if the house is a mess.  I brought you some DVDs back from the library.  One of them is the second movie in that trilogy."

I told him about what I had accomplished from our list and he walked over to lift the lid on the pot of Pepper Steak that I was keeping warm while the rice cooked.  "I didn't waste money Sawyer.  Honest.  The steak was on a manager's special and I got the pepper and onion mix from Jeannie's uncle's place."

He said, "Mmmmm food" the way a zombie would say "Mmmm brains" which told me that I better hope I fixed enough to fill him up.  I saw him looking consideringly at the coffee maker and I put a glass of tea in his hand real quick.  He didn't have to know that it was half decaffeinated.

"Why don't you go set your movie up and I'll bring you a tray in the living room?"

He sighed.  "Is this your way of telling me you want some alone time?"

"Huh?  No.  This is my way of telling you that you look tired and need to let me take care of you."

I'd surprised him and he just stood there looking at me then he crossed his arms.  "OK, what did you buy?"


"You are acting weird, like you're feeling guilty."

I shrugged.  "The receipts are on the table."

I turned and carried another gallon jar of grain that I had just filled into the pantry.  The tall shelves were filling up so I moved some things around and had just turned around when Sawyer caught me.  "Kay-Lee I don't see anything here that should make you go so fritzy."

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"I was out fooling around and you were working and then when I do get back you've had to deal with not one, but two crazy women.  And the cops were here again."


"Deputies.  Cops.  Whatever.  They're the law and they weren't too happy."

Totally not caring Sawyer said, "Screw 'em.  It's their job.  They don't like it they can get a new job.  Besides I wasn't the one that called them.  It was them ... the women I mean."  In total male outrage he said, "They said I was keeping you in the basement!"

Almost as offended as he was I said, "Crazy talk from crazy people.  Problem is apparently I'm related to these crazy people.  And I'm serious ... I'm never going into town again."

"You said that before.  I can take care of myself you know."

"I know that.  I mean Shallaylee Duncan.  She already hates me, this is just going to make her flip out even more.  Even Linda recognized her mother."

"Uh ... is there a reason why Sha-whatever Duncan hates you?  Or is this some kind of high school thing?"

"It's an I accidentally on purpose dumped a bowl of punch all over her because she was making fun of some of the SLD kids kind of thing.  And it happened at an award banquet where she was supposed to be recognized as Miss Congeniality."

"You?"  He coughed.  Coughed some more.  Then just gave up and started laughing so hard he had to sit at the table.  "You dumped a bowl of punch on her?  Accidentally on purpose?"  He wiped his eyes with a napkin then asked, "How do you dump something like that accidentally on purpose?"

"It wasn't easy believe me.  But she was wearing these hooker heels ..."

"Hooker heels?!"

"Oh stop.  You want me to tell you or not?"  All he could do was nod because he was trying really hard not to start laughing again.

"Anyway one of the straps came undone on those shoes and it caught on the plastic table cloth we had covering the old cafeteria tables.  She kept jerking at it and calling some of us names like it was our fault.  Well the dress she was wearing was short and painted on so she had to squat to undo the snag because she grossed out when one of the SLD boys offered to help.  But by then it was caught pretty good and the punch bowl was already really close to the edge and the punch inside it was sloshing around pretty good.  I just loosened the tape that was holding the table cloth on and she gave one last jerk and the punch bowl kinda ... sorta ... went over the edge.  It wouldn't have been terribly horrible only ..."

"Oh gawd ... what ain't worse than wearing punch?" he asked holding his stomach like it hurt to hold in the laughter.

"Well, she had just gotten her hair permed and lightened and the punch had a lot of green food coloring in it and the hair dresser said that she'd just have to let it grow out for a while because if they tried to do anything she'd likely go bald because her hair was already brittle from all the chemical treatments she'd put it through."

Sawyer lost it.  By the time he was through he had been rolling on the floor and I had been forced to step around him for two more loads of jars.

After the second load he grabbed my legs as I went by and pulled me down into his lap.  "Girl you ... you have hidden depths."

"No I don't."

"Yeah you do."  Then he kissed me.  "I'll never be able to look at any of them again without thinking of this story and busting a gut.  I swear."

"Oh don't.  I nearly got in trouble but no one on my side of the table would dare saying anything and enough teachers had been looking from Shallaylee's side that it looked like she'd done it to herself."

"She did," he said giving a hug and another kiss.  "Just with a little creative assistance."

I rolled my eyes.

"I never heard of this Shelly Lee."

"Shallaylee ... it is supposed to be unique and pay tribute to her Irish heritage."

"Because we all know she wouldn't recognize her Italian heritage."

"I don't know.  I wonder if she knew we were related."

"You aren't related all that close.  At best you're some kind of cousin so many times removed.  Jacob Baffa was your great uncle and her great grandfather."

"Yeah I suppose.  Still it’s freaky weird if you want to know the truth.  She made my life as miserable as she could if I ever dared to show my face on 'her' side of the school.  She was one of the biggest reasons why I wasn't sorry that the school let us seniors out on early release.  Of course I heard that she raised a stink about it."


"Because she is a Junior ... she's a year younger than me."

"She sounds like a hot mess.  What I don't get is you said she was being voted Miss Congeniality."

"She blackmailed a lot of votes including - or so I heard - the teachers that tallied the votes."

Sawyer started laughing all over again and it took forever to get untangled and get up so I could finish dinner.

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